GRIEF ROOM CORNER # 3 – GRIEF OVER THE PAIN YOU FEEL YOU HAVE CAUSED GOD
“Jesus showed me times in my life where I had grieved my heavenly Fathers heart & the guilt I was carrying in my heart. Jesus showed me how difficult it was for me to forgive myself and let go of regrets and memories that were not beneficial to me. I never wanted to grieve God’s heart again, but I was not to carry this in a wrong way. Jesus paid the price for me and I was to receive it and learn from my mistakes, but release any feelings of guilt and anger at myself.” Bob Hartley
This is a hard one to face . . .
THE WONDERFUL ENLIGHTENING STORY OF BOB’S DAD & THE JUDGE
“I was in a courtroom and I am with a judge. This judge is the judge that I had appeared before when I was 17. I had mouthed off to him. I had not paid a speeding ticket. They were going to put me in the city tank, and I got before the Judge, real put out, and I said “Why don’t you arrest the real criminals?” The judge got mad and sentenced me to 10 days in the county jail. That night in the jail there was a knife fight and 22 guys were stabbed, it was a dangerous setting. My parents got me out of jail after a few hours.
So in the dream it was this judge that I was coming before and my dad is standing with him. There are huge stacks of paper piled so high, all the way to ceiling. So I see my dad on one side, and on the other side there is a golden glow. This was before I was a believer and it helped me to become one.
The judge is starting to go through the pieces of paper and every paper has a list of offenses of the ways I had hurt my natural father. My father was the kindest most tender man.
The First Offense was when I lied to my dad about an elephant ride. I told my dad the kid was giving it to charity and he wasn’t. So my dad walked out and asked tommy miller what charity he was giving the money to, and he wasn’t checking on me, but then tommy said “my pocket” and my father realized that I had lied to him. So I followed my dad into his bedroom and he sits down on the edge of his bed. We had never had that kind of deal where I had lied to him. He looked out the window for a long time, wondering why I had lied to him. The judge started screaming at me saying this was my offense.
Then the Second Offense was my older brother, and he wasn’t able to get taller than 4 feet 10. The kids at his school would beat up on him, and he would come home and try to wrestle me to feel better about himself. I would always roll up in a ball and not fight back because my dad had told me “bobby please don’t hurt his psyche”. Well this one day, I just take him apart, kept wrestling him down. My brother was feeling the pain, and I never treated him like that. I looked up and my dad was looking out the window, so sad. I went in and my dad said “well, now you’ve done it” and from that point on, my dad started my brother on experimental growth hormones to help him grow taller.
The judge continued screaming at me, and they were just little things in comparison to other things I had done, but they had hurt my father’s heart. The judge told me that I was guilty, and then he pointed to the golden hue. The judge said “You have done these things to your earthly father, but how much more have you hurt your heavenly father who sees everything?” then I see the stacks of offenses piled so high.
I felt so much grief over the pain I had caused God and I said “Who can deliver me from this mountain of sin? I don’t want to hurt anybody ever again”.
Then this man walks down the aisle and says “I will take the penalty for his sins” and he looks up into my eyes and I know it is Jesus. Then the judge stands up and puts a spear right through His heart. He was still alive at first and He is looking at me with those eyes and blood is pouring out. Then He turns into the lamb and the blood starts pouring over me. He freed me from that mountain of sin.
Later on, I went back and asked Him for the list and He showed me some of the things because I had made the decision that I never wanted to hurt Him again”